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It is tough.

The battle.

The attacks.

You’re tired.

You are bruised and wounded.

You’ve been betrayed.

Abandoned by comrades you thought will fight with you to the end.

But no one’s left

No one is behind, no one beside, or in front

No one is there to help

You let out a loud cry. Aaaaaaah!

Frustration, exhaustion, pain and loneliness.

“How did I end up like this?” you ask.

You started the battle with hope, full of encouragement from the people who fight with you. You believe you can win this battle. The enemy is strong but you also believe in your fellow soldier’s strength.

But suddenly, you find yourself fighting the battle alone. You want to give up and allow your body to be hit by arrows so that you can just die and stop fighting. You have the right to give up. In fact, you’ve given your all to the battle. You have made up your mind to stop.

You’ve spent all your strength to win that battle. You’ve helped other wounded soldiers. You ran to their rescue when they needed help. You learnt to share your own even when you ran out. You’ve encouraged others when they were about to give up. But now, nothing is left for you. You are all spent.

Now, you’re tired, vulnerable, your hope is almost gone.

But please, dear warrior, hear me out.

You must know you can’t go on. You need to go back. Go back to where you started; back to the camp and hospital where healing and grace overflow. Back to the camp where others who are wounded are also found, where pain can be shared together. Go back to be replenished.

Stop pretending that you’re still strong. Stop pretending that you can take one more step. Don’t pretend. It’s not worth despairing. Remember, this fight is not only about you but with and for our King. Victories are never won alone.

You can take a step back and cry for help. Shout “Medic!”

Don’t believe everything you see and know that you’re not alone.

Because, warrior, in the end, you will see that you are not alone.

Love,

yourself

__________________________

Asami Segundo belongs to an indigenous cultural community in the Caraballo Mountain Range.  A licensed (but non-practicing) forester, she received her bachelor of science in forestry in UP Los Baños.  She is currently in the Master of Divinity program at PBTS and has completed one unit of Clinical Pastoral Education from the Bukal Life Center last 2019. She loves being in the company of her friends and serves as a church worker in PMA Christian Fellowship.

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